In the Dog House Now
by marsupeler
Summary: Clint is turned into a dog and is picked up by Thea Queen. Short funny crack!fic.


Clint doesn't know how it came to be, but now he's a dog in the middle of Star City. Not only that, but he has been 'rescued' by Oliver Queen's sister, Thea. Clint already knew the billionar brother was the vigalanty named, 'Arrow' (or Green Arrow or some cliche crap like that).

The guy wasn't half bad. But never as good as Clint could be when he actually has aposable thumbs. It's humiliating to be in the layer of his 'west side' double. At least Peitro isn't here, because then he would have probably gone to the Flash. This thought made Clint depressed. Even if his boyfriend was looking for him, they wouldn't find him Because HE'S A FUCKING DOG!

"Hey, Hawk." So maybe he had a collar on him that had a little tag with 'Hawk' on it when they found him. He was cold and hungry and he pleaded for them to take him home. Luckily Thea is the one with the heart. "Olli, he's not getting up."

Yeah, if you wanted to go home and not be a freaking dog, or worse a gangily puppy with feet too big for his bode, you wouldn't be wanting to go anywhere either. He just wants to go fucking home. He wants to cuddle up with Peitro and shoot things and hang with Natasha and annoy Steve with Tony. He even misses the Hulk and how loud Thor can be.

He let out a forlong whine.

"Maybe he's hurt or something?" Oliver shrugged, letting another arrow bury itself into a tennis ball. "Or he has flees."

"He doesn't have flees, I gave him a bath yestarday." And didn't that make Clint feel _sooo_ much better. He let out another whine and curled up, his tail wrapped around him. How could a communicate to people when he's a dog. He didn't know if they knew morse code. He didn't want to get kicked out of here for his barking. It was one of their 'rules or get thrown out'.

"Maybe he's not a dog at all." A stern looking woman walked in and made Clint shiver. He backed away from the evil woman, she might be worse than Loki (ok, so maybe not).

"What do you want, Waller?" Oliver asked, letting another arrow release, this time it missed the tennis ball.

"I got a message from a certain Phil Coulson from SHEILD." This made Clint perk up and wag his tail happily. He barked and ran over to the evil-but-less-so woman. "And he said that his agent's tracker was in your 'Arrow-cave'. Right where that puppy is. Bark twice if you are Agent Clint Barton?" Amanda said with a raised eyebrow. Clint barked twice and wagged his tail. "Alright then."

"Wait, so my dog is a person?" Thea said after a beat of silence.

"Yep, see." Waller ripped off his collar, which hadn't been taken off at all, and all of a sudden a sixteen year old _human_ Clint Barton was standing up, stark naked.

"I will never treat Lucky bad again." Clint said, grabbing Amanda's jacket as it was handed over to him, wrapping up his privates. He felt the stern glare of Oliver on him. "Don't worry, Cliche, your secret has been safe with me since you became affiliated with ARGUS."

"Who are you?" Oliver asked slowly, as if more shock than worried, right the guy only had one facial expression.

"I'm Agent Clint Barton of SHIELD, code name Hawk..eye." He smiled.

"Like the Avenger, purple, version of him?" Thea pointed to her brother, still holding his bow, but not threatening.

"But the better version. Like 'never, ever miss a mark, is assassin and only nineteen year old' better than him." Clint grinned cheekily.

"Where did you learn to shoot? Your backyard? You don't know-" Oliver seethed, but was stopped by Waller's hand.

"The circus. Now, I'm going to call Peitro, and then get some Thia, wanna come, it's on Stark."

"So, how do you know Waller?" Oliver asked once they got to the resteraunt. It was him, Thea, Clint, and his boyfriend, Peitro all at a table.

"Shot me in the leg when I was 13." Clint shrugged. "I should thank her though. She was the reason I joined SHIELD. Well how they caught up with me, shot me in the leg again and took me in, realised I was a half-deaf, half dead kid, and gave me a job."

"So you're a spy?" Thea groaned. "My dog's a spy." This made Peitro laugh, who still couldn't believe that Clint had been turned into an animal.

"No, that's Natasha's job. She inflatrates, I assassinate. I'm an assassin, ex-carny, ex-hired hand, ex-puppette, and now ex-dog. Look at my life, so full of things." Clint waved his hands around.

"So you're deaf? How'd that happen? Is that why you never came when we called? Or was it because you weren't actually a dog?" Thea asked.

"Brother left me dead in a ditch, rain came, pnemionea, crap... 80% deaf." Clint shrugged. "What about you?"

"Ship wreck, island, survival, dad had a notebook, and I had to keep a secret." Oliver shrugged.

"Is that some sort of Acherer talk? Case he does it all the time. Or is it a secret goverment talk?" Peitro asked. "Ok, it's been a good chat, but everyone is still going crazy up in NewYork. Say good by to your new friends, we have to go."

"So, whenever you come to New York, Stark Tower isn't that hard to miss." Clint said, holding out his hand.

"And when ever you feel like dropping by, we can always see who really is the best." Oliver shook the young man's hand. "See you later Clint."

the end


End file.
